thisnthatwithatwist

As the holidays come around again, it’s time for everyone and their brother to come and visit NYC and wonder what makes a New Yorker, a New Yorker. So here now are the things that only those who grew up or lived in NYC can understand the meaning of THE FOLLOWING:

THERE IS NO NORTH AND SOUTH. IT’S ‘UPTOWN’ OR ‘DOWNTOWN.’ IF YOU’RE REALLY FROM  NEW YORK , YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT OF WHERE NORTH AND SOUTH ARE…
AND  EAST OR WEST IS ‘CROSS-TOWN.’ 

YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE AN EGG CREAM.

YOU RIDE IN A SUBWAY CAR WITH NO AIR CONDITIONING JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE SEATS AVAILABLE.
 
YOU TAKE THE TRAIN HOME AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE ON THE PLATFORM THE DOORS WILL  OPEN THAT WILL LEAVE YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE EXIT STAIRWAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT A ‘REGULAR’ COFFEE IS. 

IT’S NOT  MANHATTAN… IT’S THE ‘CITY.’

YOU CROSS THE STREET ANYWHERE BUT ON THE CORNERS AND YOU YELL AT CARS FOR  NOT RESPECTING YOUR RIGHT TO DO IT.  

YOU MOVE 3,000 MILES AWAY, SPEND 10 YEARS LEARNING THE LOCAL LANGUAGE AND PEOPLE  STILL KNOW YOU’RE FROM BROOKLYN, LONG ISLAND OR THE  BRONX , THE MINUTE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

YOU RETURN AFTER 10 YEARS AND THE FIRST FOODS YOU WANT ARE A ‘REAL’ PIZZA FROM DENINOS OR  JOE & PATS. AND A  ’REAL’ BAGEL, A REAL “FRANK” FROM NATHAN’S, AND A REAL HOT PASTRAMI SANDWICH ON  RYE WITH MUSTARD FROM KATZ’ DELI.

A 500 SQUARE FOOT APARTMENT IS LARGE.

YOU ARE NOT UNDER THE MISTAKEN IMPRESSION THAT ANY HUMAN BEING WOULD BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND A P.A. ANNOUNCEMENT ON THE SUBWAY. 

YOU WOULDN’T BOTHER ORDERING PIZZA IN ANY OTHER CITY. 

YOU GET READY TO ORDER DINNER EVERY NIGHT AND MUST CHOOSE FROM THE MAJOR FOOD GROUPS WHICH ARE: CHINESE, ITALIAN, MEXICAN OR INDIAN. 

YOU’RE NOT THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN GOING TO  TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR’S EVE.

YOUR INTERNAL CLOCK IS PERMANENTLY SET TO KNOW WHEN ALTERNATE SIDE OF TH E STREET PARKING REGULATIONS IS IN EFFECT.

YOU KNOW WHAT A BODEGA IS. 

SOMEONE BUMPS INTO YOU AND YOU CHECK FOR YOUR WALLET.

YOU DON’T EVEN NOTICE THE LADY WALKING DOWN THE ROAD HAVING A PERFECTLY  NORMAL CONVERSATION WITH HERSELF.

YOU PAY ‘ONLY’ $380 A MONTH TO PARK YOUR CAR.

YOU CRINGE AT HEARING PEOPLE PRONOUNCE HOUSTON ST. LIKE THE CITY IN  TEXAS .

THE PRESIDENTIAL VISIT IS A MAJOR TRAFFIC JAM, NOT AN HONOR.

YOU CAN NAP ON THE SUBWAY AND NEVER MISS YOUR STOP.  

THE DELI GUY GIVES YOU A STRAW WITH ANY BEVERAGE YOU BUY, EVEN IF IT’S A BEER.

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